May I have your attention, please?
May I have your attention, please?
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here?

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before
Jaws all on the floor like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door
And started whoopin' her ass worse than before
They first were divorced, throwin' her over furniture (ah!)
It's the return of the-, oh, wait, no way, you're kidding
He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?
And Dr. Dre said-, nothing you idiots
Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement (haha)

Feminist women love Eminem
Chicka-chicka-chicka Slim Shady, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walkin' around, grabbin' his you-know-what
Flippin' the you-know-who, yeah, but he's so cute though
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse, than what's goin' on in your parents bedrooms
Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't
But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose

My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips
And if I'm lucky you might just give it a little kiss
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
Of course, they're gonna know what intercourse is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They got the Discovery Channel, don't they?

We ain't nothin' but mammals
Well, some of us are cannibals
Who cut other people open like cantaloupes
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes...

I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys, are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up