I've always been a really social guy. I gym, I go out every weekend, I get girls, I'm in love with myself. If someone were to see me in real life, they would not expect me to be a guy madly in love with manga. But I'm more than just "madly in love" with manga, I'm so far gone that I don't even want to live in the 3D world anymore. I'm currently considering what body pillow to get for my bedroom.

Apart from school, I've gone out like 3 times in the past 4 months. I've skipped almost every single lecture in the past month. I just don't want to interact with other people anymore. It tires me, and everything annoys me. I don't even ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ know why. I've ditched all forms of social media, and everyone is constantly reminding me that they don't see me at all anymore. While I appreciate their concern, I just don't want to interact with anyone. And this is so disgusting, because I'm well past the age of teenage angst, but I don't even know why I have this trash mentality towards everything. I realize that I'm just being a piece of ♥♥♥♥, and it kills me inside when I realize what I've become. My self-hatred compounds itself, to the point that I can no longer sleep at night.

What's even worse, is that I'm increasingly losing grip with reality. Like I don't know, it feels like walls are collapsing in on me, and ♥♥♥♥ is just constantly rippling at the corner of my vision. At the same time that this is going on, my consumption of manga increased to a massive rate. I spend upwards of 8 hours a night just in front of the computer reading manga, and fantasizing about another life. It's so ♥♥♥♥♥♥ up. I can feel my health draining.

I can't even bring myself to write about my increasing attraction to 2D girls. It's gotten so bad that I literally cannot get off to real life girls. When I look at naked bodies, I feel repulsed. Even the girls that I found attractive before just somehow don't feel as beautiful anymore. Yet every time that I read some kind of romantic manga, I have this pang in my heart because I know that I will never be able to spend time with my beloved. I am seriously considering getting a waifu.

I don't want any of this, and I don't know why it's happening. I have no one to talk to about this. My friends would completely ostracize me if they knew I was like this. I'm scared.